yeah.
i mean, i did it anyway, eventually, but it’s just silly how many convoluted ways people try to get it to work, and enough people seem to have been trying for enough versions that i would think it would be easier by now. i ended up utilizing this plugin, but it wasn’t even really written for the express purpose. someone just suggested a way to use it therein. so continuing kudos, in a way, to the wp wiki and the community which sustains it, as it has so far proven a very rich resource. but then again, why the flip aren’t things like this easier to do?
maybe i should write a plugin.
in my next bit of free time.
:)
part of my problem seems to be that the theme i am using (and slowly but surely bastardizing to fit my own ends) was apparently written in what has now become old-skool terminology, so a lot of the code is just flat out different from “the way things are”, as presented in most of the discussions on the wiki. so i end up having to change a lot before i can even see whether their recommendations will work for what i want to do. this is a good learning experience, really, but it’s also a hassle. i guess, at the end of the day, not knowing How to change something is better than knowing i’m not Able to, as would likely be the case if i were using an externally hosted blog. but still… i want people to be able to change their cake and eat it, too…

or something…

anyway, now the comments are on the front page so you can check them out if you had any trouble finding them before, and you can also read a pseudo-rant that i just wrote in response to poor “Guest,” who gave me an excuse to say a few things about anonymity in comments that i have been thinking for a while, and therefore unwittingly came to stand for all “Guests” in the world, which surely isn’t fair, but so it goes.

i’m feeling better today (thanks for asking!), and i will hopefully continue to be productive in other arenas as the day goes on…

i made a tasty dinner.

yesterday i bought some seasoned tofu at sahara mart to see what that’s like, and it’s pretty good, though i think next time i will go with plain ol’, plain ol’ and just add a few more spices myself if i want them. i stirfried the tofu with green beans and garlic in hot sesame oil, and added sesame seeds. it was very simple. i like experiences like that, particularly at the end of long days.
i never doubt that i love to cook, but i sometimes doubt that my love transfers over to busy times, and i am aspiring to remember that there are a lot of simple, quick, wholesome things that i can whip up in no time, and even have fun! david helps with this because of his almost untiring willingness to start cooking meals at 9pm, or pie at 11. it’s not like he’s Never too tired to cook, but his threshold seems much higher than the one that is wired into me for some reason, so i’m trying to develop a mantra of sorts that goes something like: “you like to cook. it doesn’t have to be fancy.”
and tonight it paid off!
woohoo!
i am also drinking one of my limited edition”high gravity” beers ( by new holland brewery) that i bought on an impulse at big red because i was compelled to read the rather witty beergeekery on the label, and then had to chuckle at the generageekery of the fact that the beer is named phi and brewed in accordance with the golden mean. how could it not be worth a try?!
i enjoy it quite genuinely, geekery aside, and it is an excellent complement to my slightly spicy meal.
hooray!

ftr, i predict that, if i’m not careful, the title of this post will be repeated quite often… in fact, i think that i will add a category of the same name, and i can just delete it later if i change my mind.
take that, self-conscious blog demons! hoho!

also ftr, i do not expect that every post of this category will include a picture, but it seemed a good chance to see how that works out.
(and a good test it was, too, bc first i got the directory wrong, and then it was hella big, so learning is my friend. ;)

cheers.

ok, i admit it… i’m afraid of starting a blog.
as someone who has been working to encourage myself to write frequently and freely for my entire life, someone who truly believes in the written word as a vehicle for personal reflection, someone who really respects the idea of putting ourselves on the record at our less-than-polished moments, and someone who is just plumb overwhelmed most of the time by the unending task of sorting through and articulating the flotsam and jetsam that tumbles around in my head, i really have no good excuse for resisting, but i have resisted nonetheless.
the hard truth of the matter is that it’s just easier to appreciate the openness and creativity of others than it is to put myself on the line, and so i find myself thinking ridiculous thoughts like “yeah! i want the world to see my unfinished thoughts! just as soon as i finish figuring out what i want to say about them!”
ummm… sure thing, there kay-dawg…
i am always, not just in writing, reluctant to take very strong stances. i hedge. i qualify. i always believe that there is more that i could learn that could affect my positions, and so i feel uncomfortable finalizing anything.
some of this, i believe, is a personal strength – i believe in questioning, in revising, in exploring, in listening deeply to ideas that are different than my own.
some of it, however, is bullshit.
i am too afraid of being taken out of context, of not being able to fully defend myself, of being revealed as naive, of revealing things that people might not really like to know, of simply saying things that i later regret or disagree with.
i don’t like to admit that i’m afraid of these things, and i know i Shouldn’t be, but… \*shrug\*
what to do?
this is about being honest even when it’s ugly, right?
anyway, i’m tired of being a hypocrite about what i respect in others and what i cultivate in myself. i’m twenty-flipping-six years old, and i’m running out of energy for my excuses.
i don’t know whether i’ll start by writing too much, or by keeping most entries private, or by couching everything in self-indulgent justifications like this, but it’s time to risk it and see.

i feel something inside me rumbling, growing impatient, ready to step into the light…

\*flick\*