being in the uk and all, i didn’t really notice that it was september 10th until about 4:00 this afternoon, when i followed a link from schmutzie to an episode of zefrank’s the show from a few days ago.

when i say “i didn’t really notice that it was september 10th”, what i mean is that i didn’t make the association between 10/9/06 (which is how they write the dates over here) and The Day Before The Fifth Anniversary Of 9/11^TM, and when said association clicked in my head, i felt rather grateful for the current distance between myself and mainstream American media sources.

at the same time, though, i felt the pull of the memory and my own process of coming to terms with it. i wondered if i should take the time that i still haven’t really taken to write my own response. i marveled at the fiveness of the years that have passed, and remembered the unborn blog post that floated through my head as i walked around downtown one day on my recent trip to the city.

i had decided i should make my own little pilgrimage to ground zero, and had done so by spending several hours walking in a rather meandering fashion from prince street down to battery park and back up again to nyu, where i was meeting liza for lunch. i made my way to the construction site in the midst of my walk, with more difficulty than i had anticipated, since i had never before had to actually consider what the cross streets were for the world trade center, seeing as it was always rather obvious where to find it.

i stood there a bit puttering around trying to decide whether i wanted to, like, you know, Do something while i was there, and after a couple minutes i realized i was pissed off at the president and the war and the media for how numb it has made me by making it nearly impossible to disentangle my memories of that morning from the knots and snarls of all the other crap that has come to be connected to it. i felt, for a few minutes at least, like i had been robbed of my ability to mourn. as if the animal of my genuine and sap-free feelings was sleeping next to some really loud, annoying yippy dogs that wake up every time you go near and drown out anything of merit and the whole ordeal just makes you pull your hair and run away and wonder why you ever even bother.

that was irritating, but eventually i was like, fuck it, you don’t have to fight that fight, just give the dogs a milkbone and feel what you feel and think what you think and write what you write and remember what you remember and focus on building the future rather than bickering about the past.

so i didn’t worry about the shmaltzy posters. i read some graffiti instead, and watched the new yorkers go on about their business as the wonderfully adaptable human creatures that they are. i walked across the bridges that span the construction site and thought about the ghosts of the walls and desks and copy machines that i was passing through as easily as if they had never been there at all. i stood there for a few minutes with some of these thoughts whirling in my head, and then i went on about my day.

i met liza for lunch at a place called ‘wichcraft, which is an oh-too-clever name, and had a sandwich with truffle-scented trumpet mushrooms and fontina. i got caught in a crazy downpour in columbus circle when i stopped there on the way home to go to the apple store and get liza a new ipod USB thingy as a thanks-for-having-me gift. the next day we saw three movies for the price of one and hung out with a friend of hers who works at mtv. the day after that we used my car to go get kitty litter so she wouldn’t have to have it delivered, and i left the city after an unplanned driving tour of riverside drive as i puzzled over construction detours and let the fates decide whether i was going to leave manhattan by bridge or tunnel.

which is all to say, i made my peace with new york for the time being, and i’m glad.

i’m also glad that i followed the zefrank link, though, and so i hope that you may do so as well.

i think it will serve as a sort of innoculation against anything else i come across tomorrow; a way of remembering not to get either too numb or too huffy; to take time to feel what i need to feel and then focus on the work i want to get done.

and that’s really all i wanted to say in this post, actually.

all that other stuff, it just fell out, so i hope i didn’t contribute too much to the schlocky onslaught while attempting to arm you against it. :)

dum di dum…

now i go to bed.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 10th, 2006 at 10:06 pm and is filed under emotions, introspection, links. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.