flashback to glasgow – 12 august, afternoon
i’m sorting through the stuff i wrote when i didn’t have internet for a few days, because i want to be done with it, but i keep thinking that i’ll add to it, or synthesize it, or something…
sigh
i never learn, do i?
JUST POST IT, KYNTHIA!!
it is interesting for me to read, even two weeks later, because i feel much more settled in now. making friends, doing some work that feels familiar, and finding a good pub or two will all do wonders for making a place feel more like home.
—–
it took me a while to get up this morning, but i don’t think it’s jetlag. the time difference isn’t all that huge, and i slept a little on the plane, so it was kind of like a weird time warp where we flew all night and i floated in and out of sleep and didn’t really have a sense of how much time passed. i Thought it was only 8 hours, but hey, if they say it was 13? shrug. that happens.
so i was not all that confused when we arrived, and it was 9 in the morning, so i didn’t have much trouble just accepting that it was morning and wandering around the city for a while. it was nice to take a nap in the afternoon, however, and i ended up just staying in my room and reading and sorting through my things for the rest of the night. i had been feeling stressed out and tired by traveling and last minute errands, so i had been telling myself that all i really wanted was a chance to lie somewhere safe and soft and sleep for a while. i have learned over the years that i really rely on having periods of time to myself where i don’t really have to talk to anyone and i can think about whatever i want, and that sort of time is alarmingly difficult to come by when traveling alone, especially if you are trying to save money by not staying in hotels. if you stay with people, you have to interact with them, which is usually a blessing, but it is draining after a while. and if you stay in a campsite or a hostel, it’s hard to fully relax because there is constant activity, and not much personal space, so you have to be a bit more vigilant about your stuff.
because of all this, i am realizing that i may have to get better at being by myself when other people are around, but i haven’t quite figured it out yet, so i was a little worried on the plane because i felt tired, and the reality of my trip was starting to sink in and scare me a little, and i wasn’t sure how long it would be before i could just sit in a quiet place by myself and get my bearings.
this uncertainty made me cranky.
but i had forgotten something remarkable about my accomodations in glasgow – i have my own room. i am staying in a hostel that is converted student housing, so i basically have a very small single dorm room, and then the bathrooms are shared. it is clean, secure, and not that far from the city center, all for £12 a night (pounds are worth right about $2 each right now, so that’s around $24). it is perfect for me right now, for while i look forward to the social aspects of hosteling, i enjoy having this small dose of time where i am truly on my own. i took this very seriously yesterday afternoon, and stayed in my room for the rest of the night. this morning, part of me was tempted to remain cloistered away, but i needed water, and breakfast, and i wanted to explore the city a little bit more and make sure i know how to get to the train station for tomorrow.
so out i went.
i visited the lighthouse, thought about the difference between design and Design, and figured out the train schedule for tomorrow so i wouldn’t have to wander around too much with my bags in tow. i thought about going to the people’s palace, but couldn’t really decide if i could walk there or not, so i decided not to risk it and just wandered around. i went back to the internet coffee shop and wrote most of this post, but decided not to pay for wireless access because they told us we would have it in edinburgh, so it seemed a waste.
last night i dreamed that the summer school was over and i had decided just to go home. it was hard to find work or something, and it seemed like the thing to do. when i woke up, a little of this was still in my head, so it was doubly surprising to remember that i was still in glasgow, that the summer school hadn’t started yet, and that i still didn’t know when i would be going home. i like glasgow a lot, and i feel safe and prepared, but it is very strange to recognize that i am in another country for an unknown amount of time. it is more disconcerting than just being in another state or something, because then it is easy to call my parents and friends, and i can always get in a bus or a car and go somewhere familiar if i need to. now the phone is farther from my reach – i don’t have a phone card yet, and i’m contemplating get a pay as you go cell phone if i stay, but i can’t decide that yet, and since i haven’t had my computer online yet, i haven’t had access to skype. i know i could fly home if i needed to, but it could be really expensive, and there is just something harder about thinking about how to go about it. there are taxis and buses and trains, just as in any city, but that slightly foreign veil is over them, so they take a bit longer to understand, and my instincts about what to do in an emergency are not very strong. i don’t know anyone within miles (or kilometers), and there are both benefits and drawbacks to being that alone.
the internet definitely changes things from how it must have been even a few years ago. i have already chatted with my mom, and i know that i have ways to contact people via email and my blog, so i am far from completely cut off. and being in the UK is definitely helpful as well, since there is no language barrier. i know that i feel somewhat uncomfortable being the typical tourist in countries where i don’t speak the language, but it is relatively easy to figure out how to get by for a few weeks. this process of adjustment would certainly be harder in a more foreign country, however. that half-awake time in the morning when i wonder about what i’m doing would be scarier, and the hurdle to get myself out the door and going would be higher.
but that’s the thing to do – just walk out the door and start learning; give myself things to do and do them.
so away i go.