just put an implant in my arm already!
i hate keys.
this afternoon, in what seemed a moment of true inspiration, i realized that i should move my office keys over to the little “removable” section of my keychain, where my bike key and my front door key live. this was because i had stopped using the “removable” section of my keychain because one day, after being happy with myself for removing it and reducing the number of keys i had to carry around, i found myself locked out of my office. this proved to me that the “removable” keychain was a bad idea.
today, however, as i left the office for fencing and tried to carry as few things as possible, i thought: “kynthia, the office keys are the Only other keys that you might need in a situation like that. just move them. it still makes for a lot smaller keychain.”
sweet!
i am such a genius.
all afternoon this plan works well.
then, a few minutes ago, i get ready to leave my office. i go through the normal “do i have everything” check, see my keys on the table, grab them and put them in my bag.
then i walk out the door.
when i get outside i realize that i need my keys to unlock my bike.
i reach in and get them, and realize that i grabbed my non-removable keys, meaning that the key i need is sitting in my purse in my office, along with the key i need to open my office door (which, until 6 hours ago, would have been one of the non-removable keys, and thus saved), and my wallet, and my cell phone.
this annoys me.
but kynthia, you might be saying, that means you left without your purse. Does this not suggest that your “do i have everything” check may be faulty? perhaps you should direct your frustration there, in a more productive, self-improvement fashion, rather than blaming your keys.
i am immune to such logic, however.
i just grumble, try in vain to conceive of a way to get in my office before tomorrow morning, feel annoyed because i have to walk home now if i want to go there before the dance, and i don’t really have time to do that, which means that i will probably just go straight to the dance, which means that i will not get a chance to change clothes, and i will be hungry.
i also have a moment of fear wherein i think that i won’t be able to get in my house at All, once i Do get home, but this fear is quelled by the experience of last night, wherein i locked my keys in the house after patting my pocket and mistakenly believing that my headphones were my keys, only to discover, as i stood on the back porch, that my headphones were actually my headphones.
in a moment of desperation, because it just seemed too cruel to think that i would have to call my landlord and spend the rest of the night dealing with such a stupid hassle just because i decided to be good and leave to run an important errand rather than stay at home and sleep, i decided that it was time to test my fears about how easy it would be to break into my house, and i found that these fears are completely justified. my health insurance card didn’t even get a crease in it when i used it to jimmy open my back door. (editor’s note: earlier, i resisted the impulse to blog that discovery, because it seemed an unwise decision from a security perspective, but the rapid occurrence of aNother key related annoyance makes it more than i can resist. if you break into my house now, i will loose the big brown spider that is growing fat from the mealy moths on you.)
then i realize that i still have my back door key, and i’m not sure i locked the front door anyway, so this fear recedes rapidly.
still annoyed, but less afraid, i try to decide which of my options pisses me off the least. i realize that i don’t need keys to unlock the internet, so i use the excuse to sit outside in the gloaming and write a blog entry, which has the unexpected bonus of drawing my attention to the large collection of tulips in the flower box between rawles and swain, and that flower box makes me think of rabbits, because once i saw a whole mess of very tiny bunnies in there, which makes my brain go into cutaway mode so that it can picture a whole warren under the ground, and this experience makes me smile.
these thoughts appease my brain, and i realize that life isn’t all bad.
the only thing that disturbs my moment of zenlike bliss is that i was just thinking about my arguments for the potential power of personal blogging today, and one of my points was that it doesn’t Have to be fluffy or boring, so i feel a slight temptation to not birth this particular post at this particular moment in time.
but i quash that pretty quickly, in the spirit of bigger thoughts that i haven’t articulated yet, but soon may attempt to begin
and then it gets dark, and a beetle crawls across my pants, so i decide that it’s time to pack up and get dancing.
as i get ready to leave, a whole mess of frat boys walk by singing “this is the way we go to get hash, go to get hash, go to get hash. this is the way we go to get hash, garble garble garrrrble!”
and to think i started this post in a bad mood!
;)
December 28th, 2006 at 2:16 pm
[…] well, apart from locking myself out of the house on christmas eve when i only meant to step out for a second (i know i’ve already mentioned that i hate keys), which required me to walk across the street in my coat and thermal underwear, with neither my glasses nor my wallet, to solicit advice which eventually led to the recruitment of help breaking into my house (because they predicted that a locksmith would cost £300, and that was just not happening), which i had already failed to do with a plastic clothing tag that i wiggled in the slit between the door but my new friend succeeded by knocking the little latch on the half-open bathroom window with a crowbar, and… wait is this all one sentence? i lost track of how it was supposed to end. […]